Forget Me Not
by XXdestielXX
Summary: Note-Hey guys, i know this hasn't been updated in a while, forgive me. I'll update as soon as i can! I'm in the middle of preparing for college and getting a job so things are hectic. I'll finish this as soon as i have the time!
1. Chapter 1

Everything seemed to be in slow motion and hyper speed all at the same time. There was glass and metal bits flying everywhere, and then it was over. Cas was fine, just some minor scrapes and bruises, but it was Sam and Dean he was worried about.

The front end of the Impala was taken almost completely off; both of them knocked unconscious from the impact of the large truck hitting them.

"Sam, Dean." Cas tried to yell, but his voice was horse.

Sam started to wake up, slowly taking inventory of his brother first, then himself. He seemed to be okay, possibly a few broken ribs and wrist, but he could move enough to climb out of the broken window of the Impala.

Cas mimicked him from the back seat, meeting him outside of the driver's door, where Dean was trapped. They could hear sirens in the distance, so they didn't try to move Dean, fearing they would hurt him even further.

At the hospital, both Sam and Dean were treated. Sam got by with a few cracked ribs and a broken arm, but Dean was still unconscious after emergency surgery to stop internal bleeding. When Dean started to wake up Cas sat outside of the small room, letting Sam have a moment with his brother.

Cas was at the end of the hall, pacing back and forth when he saw Sam come out of the room, his face pale, dark purple circles visible under both of his eyes, tears running down his cheeks. Cas tried to push past Sam to get into the room, but a large strong hand on his chest stopped him.

"Sam I need to go see Dean. I can heal him." Sam looked upset, like there was no way Cas could help.

"You don't wanna go in there Cas, trust me. He…um…he doesn't remember anything. He has amnesia. He doesn't even know who I am." Cas could see the fresh tears welling up in Sam's eyes and he knew it was killing him inside, not having the only person he had left in the world know who he was.

Cas sat down next to Sam, trying his best to comfort the younger brother.

"I can try to heal him." Cas said, even though he knew there was no way he could heal the amnesia. Cas was powerful, but he couldn't bring back Dean's memories. No matter what Cas did, Dean wouldn't remember them until his mind was ready to. Which could be never.

Cas got up, heading into the small hospital room. He stopped just shy of the bed Dean was laying on, hardly able to look at him. There were wires and tubes attached to every open inch of skin he could see. Machines beeped beside him, indicating that he was still alive. Cas sent a quick silent prayer up to heaven, thanking God that Dean was still alive. It was horrible seeing Dean that way, but he knew it was better than seeing his corpse, lifeless and bloody.

Dean was asleep, so Cas took the opportunity to lightly touch his finger to his forehead, taking away any pain and increasing the speed of his healing. He didn't want to heal everything completely and make the doctors and nurses suspicious. Dean began to stir, so Cas ducked out of the room, not wanting to look in Dean's eyes and know that he had no idea who he was.

4 days later, Dean was allowed to leave the hospital. He still didn't remember Sam or Cas, but he accepted that Sam was his brother and Cas his friend. When they had gotten to the hotel, Sam tried explaining what they had done their entire life, trying to jog Dean's memory. All he managed to accomplish was getting a "are you crazy" look and dean laughing in his face.

Neither Sam nor Cas knew what to do. The doctor had said his memory would come back slowly; starting with things he knew the best, which they had figured would be Sam. Sam was tearing his hair out waiting for Dean to get his memory back. Trying to get Dean to remember his life was like teaching an ant how to read, impossible and pointless.

For the next week Dean hadn't remembered anything and Cas and Sam had all but given up on him ever remembering. Until a nest of vampires, who had seemed to have heard that they were minus Dean, decided to attack them at the hotel.

Sam and Cas had pushed Dean into the bathroom, not wanting him to get in the way of the fight and end up getting hurt again. They had killed all of the vampires but one, who had managed to break the bathroom door down and was now going after Dean.

To everyone's shock and horror, Dean tried to _stake_ the vampire; full on, wooden stake through the heart. The vampire let out a laugh, then lunged at Dean, not getting 2 inches before Cas barely touched him, killing him by sending his grace throughout the vampire.

"Dean, what the hell was that?" Sam asked, momentarily forgetting Dean had forgotten everything about fighting monsters.

"I don't know. I started remember that I was supposed to fight those things, and I just figured, ya know, the basic stake through the heart would work." He shrugged his shoulders, looking completely innocent.

"I'm glad you're remembering some stuff man, but next time, just chop its head off okay?" Sam walked out of the room, going to call Bobby to come help clean up the mess. Dean had a look of disgust on his face, then excitement at the thought of decapitating a vampire. For a split moment, he looked like the same old Dean and it made Cas' heart ache.

"I'll go grab some dinner." Cas said when Sam got back in the room. He needed to get away from Dean for a bit. He couldn't take looking at him anymore knowing that there was a chance Dean would never remember him again.

"Ooh burgers!" Dean smiled thinking about a bacon double cheeseburger and a beer.

"At least he has the same appetite." Sam laughed. Cas managed a half smile that didn't touch his eyes, then left, deciding to walk instead of just teleporting there. He needed time to clear his head and come up with a way to get Dean's memories back.

Cas got to the small fast food restaurant and ordered dinner for the 3 of them, knowing Bobby would be long gone before he got back and he wouldn't want to eat the food anyway. Bobby hated greasy fast food.

"Balthazar." Cas turned around, feeling his brother and friend behind him.

"Cassy. How are you?" Balthazar smiled at him knowingly.

"I'm great." Cas said, attempting sarcasm. Balthazar seemed to approve, so Cas figured he had done it correctly.

"Well I know you aren't. What with your boyfriend stuck in lala land, having no clue who the hell you are. Does he even know you're an angel? That you pulled him out of hell?" Balthazar knew the answer to all of his questions, but for some reason he loved to cause Cas pain. Must be an older brother thing.

"Just go Balthazar." Cas took the food from the man behind the counter and walked out of the restaurant, hoping Balthazar wouldn't follow him. But this was Balthazar, so of course he followed him.

"You're too attached to that boy Cas. He's going to end up getting you hurt or killed. You don't see clearly around him. You need to be doing things for _you_, not for some bloody hunter!" Cas knew Balthazar wasn't fond of the Winchesters, but this was the first time he had actually brought it up with Castiel.

"Balthazar, I can't just leave them and you know that."

"Why is that again Castiel? Is it because they're poor defenseless humans? Are Lucifer and Lilith after them again? No, it's because…"

"Shut up Balthazar!" Castiel cut him off, ready to fight his brother if he had to.

"You're in love with the stupid human!" Cas didn't hesitate for a second. He punched Balthazar squarely in the jaw, then flew off, back to the hotel. Back to Dean.

Castiel knew Balthazar was right. Cas staying with the Winchesters had nothing to do with needing to protect them. He couldn't leave because he had fallen in love with Dean.


	2. Chapter 2

Cas got back to the hotel and watched as the boys ate, not able to eat after his fight with Balthazar.

While Dean started eating Cas' food, Sam pulled Cas outside, wanting to talk to him away from Dean.

"He's remembering some stuff. He remembered I'm his brother, his birthday, stuff like that." Sam said, obviously thrilled by the development. It took Cas everything he had to muster up a smile.

"You're worried he won't remember you." It wasn't a question. Sam could tell by looking at Castiel that he was afraid.

"You're family to him Cas. To both of us. He'll remember you, even if it takes months, he'll remember you. Trust me." Cas' heart ached at the thought of Dean not knowing him for months. The last week had been torture, what would 3 or 4 months feel like? Cas couldn't think about it. He managed one more small smile for Sam, then went inside with Dean.

Sam made a run for beer, leaving Dean and Castiel in the small hotel room alone. Cas was surprisingly happy when Dean went to take a shower. It was hard for Castiel to look at Dean, knowing that when Dean looked at Cas he saw a complete stranger.

Castiel had closed his eyes, trying to rest, even though he didn't need to. There was something about performing human actions that made him feel like less of an outsider. He sprawled out on the small couch, trying to get comfortable. He turned the television off; unable to take the obnoxious weeping that was coming from whatever movie Dean had been watching.

But even after Castiel had turned the TV off, the crying persisted. Cas sat up, trying to figure out where the crying was coming from. He realized that Dean had never actually turned on the shower, and the crying was coming from the bathroom.

Cas busted into the bathroom, afraid Dean had gotten hurt. He found the tough-as-nails hunter sitting in the floor crying.

"Dean." Cas said softly, sitting down next Dean and touching his arm. Dean startled, obviously not hearing Cas come into the bathroom. "Are you hurt?" Cas took a quick glance at Dean's body. No blood.

"No. I just…" Dean took a deep breath, trying to stop crying. Castiel new the look on his face; he had seen it so many times before. Dean was a man, a hunter. He wasn't supposed to be crying. He was stronger than that. Cas that it was complete bull though. Dean bottled everything up so often that it ended up exploding out of him in angry and rage, usually lashed out at someone who didn't deserve it. Cas and Sam had both been through it many times with Dean, and they had learned to just let him lash out, knowing he would feel sorry about it later on and apologize. It was who Dean was, neither of them could change that.

But Dean couldn't seem to stop crying this time. The tears kept streaming down his face, and Castiel had no idea what to do. He was used to Dean yelling at him when he got upset, but the tears were completely new to him.

"Dean, talk to me." Dean looked up at Cas through his teary eyes, debating whether to talk to this stranger or not. He took a deep breath, ready to let it all out.

"I got them killed Cas. My mom and dad. They're dead because of me." Cas' head was reeling, wondering where this could have come from.

"You remember what happened to them?" Cas asked, wanting to know how much Dean remembered so he wouldn't say the wrong thing and upset him further.

"Yeah, I remember. That demon killed them because of me. It's all my fault Cas." Dean dropped his head in his hands, shaking his head back and forth, trying to expel the thoughts from his mind. "That was one thing I could have lived without remembering."

Cas put his arm around Dean, trying to comfort him. Cas sat on the bathroom floor, his arm around Dean until he finally stopped crying.

"So who are you really Cas?" Dean startled Castiel by asking once they were back on the couch, infomercials playing quietly on the TV.

"What do you mean?" Cas didn't know if Dean was remembering that he was an angel, but he didn't wanna risk telling Dean and having him freak out.

"Sam said you were our friend, but you're more than that aren't you? There's something he didn't tell me." Cas wasn't sure what Dean was getting at. What more could he be to the Winchester's?

"I don't understand what you mean. I'm your friend Dean. Sam didn't lie to you about that."

"So you aren't more than a friend? I mean, we aren't…ya know?" Cas started to understand what Dean was getting at. He thought they were together, like dating? Cas tried not to be happy. Dean didn't remember anything, so far all he knew it could be possible.

"No, we aren't Dean." Cas couldn't help but notice how Dean's face fell a tiny bit at that.

"Does Sam know I'm bi?" Cas' breath stopped, not wanting to believe what he had just heard. Cas knew what bi meant, but he had never thought of Dean as being bisexual.

"You never told us that Dean." Cas was trying not to hope it was true. It was probably just Dean's amnesia. He thought he was remembering something, but later on he would realize he was wrong or that he it was some other memory.

"I didn't think I did. I remember being too embarrassed to ever tell Sam." Dean got up to get the last 2 beers out of the fridge, handing one to Cas which he downed before Dean sat back down beside him. He kept wondering where Sam was with the new beer. Cas really needed another one. Or ten.

"Do you remember when you found out you were bisexual?" Cas was still trying to keep himself from hoping that there was a possibility Dean could be interested in him. After all, technically Castiel didn't have a gender. So Dean would probably never like him.

"Not exactly, but I think it was a year or two ago. I remember…someone. I'm not sure who, but there was this guy and I fell for him." Cas' heart dropped into his stomach. Dean was in love with someone else and Cas was in love with Dean.

"I can't remember anything about him, I just know he exists. It's hard to explain, but there's something inside me that knows he's out there, ya know?" Cas just shook his head, not knowing what to say anymore. Dean was in love, which was good. Cas was happy for him.

But Cas couldn't help but think that Balthazar was right. Maybe he should leave the Winchester's. There was no way Dean would ever feel the same way about Castiel, so why should he stay and torture himself?


End file.
